Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Rantings of an indecisive Libran

Just thought I've got over the horrors of the C-section and its aftermath. Everything seemed to have settled down. And oh God! Its de ja vu. Had to go to the hospital again for a couple of days and I'm back home. Its the same damn story again. Anesthesia, pain, recovery and the worst thing - forced rest! Atleast the last time around, I got to bring home my wonderful bundle of joy but this time, its nothing but anxiety. Wondering what happened? I've been suffering from these terrible palpitations and blackouts for a long time now. I new I always had a weak heart from a romantic point of view but then never imagined it will be manifested physically too!! Anyway, some correction to be done in the heart and back I was in the hospital within an year of my childbirth!
Mom is here to take care of me and the baby - so glad am I to have a mother. But mum is not growing any younger. It feels so bad to see her run around this way. The last time baby was such a little angel but now she runs all over the place and gosh its so tiring. Poor mom. Plus my home is being very inconvenient for her. The stairs upto the bedroom are making her spondylytis problem worse. The doctor said I don't need any rest but looks like I definitely need some rest. Thanks to a bit of walking around the day I got back home from hospital, I had to run to the neighbourhood doc 'coz I got these terrible headaches. He said with this all I need is some 'rest'. Oh how I hate this word.
Mom is asking me to go home with her. Its going to be the same thing for her again. Me and the baby and the running around. Though I would love to, I have this kingsize guilt to deal with. If I'm here, I have to deal with the whole damn work myself - maintaining the house, taking care of the baby and myself too. Can't really depend on my in-laws. They are really sweet and nice yet, helath wise not great either. So... you see. But if I go, its going to be lots of work for mom. Poor thing how much can she stretch herself? AArgh....
To add to the trouble, there is this BIG urge to work. I want to write. There are lots of projects coming up. Its very tempting. But again the most hated 4 letter word - 'rest'. Pulling my hair out!
Should I stay put and manage myself,baby and home all by myself while I look for a house-help? Should I gracefully/gratefully accept help and trouble mummy?
Maybe I'll write out options on chits and pick them out...too silly? What if I don't like the option I pick out?
Hey you reader! Are you laughing at me... come join the club - I'm laughing at myself too!