Wednesday, September 13, 2006

true love

I've always claimed to be a die-hard romantic. But today, I'm looking at love with a new perspective.

Is there really something called true love. can 2 people really love each other uncoditionally? Its been ages since I've come across anything like that. I see people being in a relationship because they gain something out of it - it could something as big as power, money, fame or something as simple as attention. (Now, now, is attention something simple?) Let me not digress. Yes, so if I'm not getting any of the things in my list anymore don't I love that person any more?

What is love? what does the dictionary say? Didn't look it up but I'm sure its something got to do with affection, liking etc. Why do we like something? because it brings some kind of happiness or joy to our mind. Take a piece of music for example. The high chords, the harmony, the lyrics - each of these or all of these put together might make us happy. We feel like listening to that piece of music again and again. And how many ever times we listen to it, we don't get bored. But sometimes, we out grow our own tastes in music. There might be something more new. So we start listening to that. When we come across that old favorite of ours, we still feel nostalgic and smile to ourselves. But the same craze isn't there anymore. At that point in our lives, we might have said - I love the "carpenters", I love "beatles", I love "micheal jackson". We don't put up their posters in our rooms any more. Don't collect their trivia. But will still not skip the channel when we see them playing on Classic MTV. But do you think we can listen to them all day and night? 7 days a week? Don't think so.

Boy! what a huge analogy! (music being one of the main sources of my existence, I just got carried away). You anyway get the picture. Right?

So does that happen to romantic love? It does sometimes I guess. You just outgrow that person. What you get out of that relationship might not have changed but YOU have changed. Your expectations out of life have changed. Your perspectives have changed and so have your priorities. Do you stop loving a person because certain needs are not there any more. There are new needs. The rebellious New Kids on the block doesn't appeal to you anymore. The Buddha Bar is what you need to soothe your senses.

So, there is actually nothing like unconditional - there's some need fulfillment at some level - the obvious or sublime. Once the need is not fulfilled anymore, does love disappear? One woman might love a man because he gives her a whole lot of attention. Tomorrow he might become a successful business tycoon and might not be able to give her that kind of attention. So? She doesn't love him anymore? Another woman starts seeing a man because he is bold enough to express his lust for her. The lust bit gets too boring and she seeks emotional bonding. She doesn't find it. She stops seeing this man.

But not all relationships are like old records to be put away in the last drawer and pull them out in times of nostalgic emergencies. You have to live with them. They can't change with time. So how do you nurture and make the relationship grow? How do you create a "5th symphony" that gets you excited every time you listen to it? Create a certain aura of joy around the person, the relationship, as if that's the best thing that happen to you....? How do you do that? Pretend as if everything's nice and fine? Ignore the scratches on the CD, skip those portions and start swimming in the music again? Is that possible at all?

Thing is, where relationships are concerned especially the romantic ones, there is no guarantee that the next one is going to be better than the present one. We all need romantic relationships. So, are we ready to take the risk or remain in the safe mode? The relationship that I am in now, is not causing me any harm. My baisc needs are fulfilled - maybe not at an emotional or an intellectual level. But this is a safe relationship that I am in. So, I'd better stick to it. Is this the way most people think? One can listen to pop, R&B, country and classical at the same time but cannot have multiple relationships - a) they can't handle it and b) society does not allow it!!! period :)

So what does one ultimately do? Operate on the safe mode. This is what is my solution as of today. Love or no love, just go with the flow.

I know that once I find an exit gate in a relationship, I will not hesitate to find many more such exit gates. Where's the end then?

PS: I'm neither previewing this nor am I doing a spell check because I believe that our thoughts don't have any of these functions. And my blog is just to express those thoughts right from the cauldron!!