Functioning Without Labels

 

I recently came across these terms: hetero-romantic-asexual, ethical polygamy, polyromantic, graysexual, demisexual… I was quite fascinated by this new-world jargon. Broadly put, these terms are for people who look at relationships differently, away from the formula. This is like a make-your-own-salad counter. There’s the salad leaf—you can add just tomato and zucchini; choose feta or cheddar or no cheese at all, and maybe throw in some egg if you really are up to it. Google up these terms to know what I mean. (No, not the salad recipes!)

So, you may ask, “Why complicate things?” I may say, “On the contrary, it is a step to simplify our complicated lives.” The above-listed thought patterns aren’t new. It’s just that the labels are. People have always tried to force-fit themselves into prescribed social notions, believing that is how they ought to live—almost like a sombre fictional dystopian society, the members on autopilot, blindly traversing from one role to another, unable to escape the loop out of fear of punishment.

I have always believed that humans are like butterflies—a million varieties, with two million hues, some frail, some monarchs, but each with its beauty. Of course, humans are famed to categorize everything but fortunately admire aberration in nature. The same aberration among themselves has never been understood, appreciated or acknowledged.

This is because of the generations of conditioning that frightens even those with strong personalities to step away from. 

Why label a pupa even before it hatches? We, humans, are programmed to follow notions of milestones, religion, gender, sexuality, and more, right from birth. These notions end up shaping us like wet clay in the hands of the potter-society. Every little break from the preset mould is tied with anxiety. Anxious to get the best education, the best job, the best possible partner, the best possible children and the wheel continues. This anxiety leads to panic, leaving us with no time to introspect. Who are you? Do you want to learn this? Do you want to do this job? Do you want to get married? What kind of relationship do you want? What is best for you? These questions never get asked or answered. Sometimes the mundane aspects can be worked around, like switching streams of education and careers, of course after a lot of heartache, confusion and misgivings. But sadly, no attention is paid to matters of the heart. This leaves us often in a maze of unmet and unresolved emotions, with rarely a workaround solution. Any expression of individual choices gets labelled as weird, selfish, amoral and illegal.

This brings me back to the question, “Why complicate things?” Yes, we have complicated our lives due to assumptions—“If Tom and Jane are happy with this arrangement, Harry and Joan should be happy too. If they aren’t, they must try harder.”

What if we step out of the societal and moral matrix? Chaos and anarchy, you fear? I don’t think so.

Wouldn’t the world be more like a large, peaceful garden of butterflies if we are allowed to pursue the flower that we like? And not pursue any flower at all, if we don’t want to. Tom, Harry, Jane and Joan should have the courage to find their own little gardens. 

We have brought ourselves to a position where we need to invent new labels for what is already safely ensconced in the hearts of thousands. One might think these labels will only help a small fraction of elitist urbanites in finding themselves. The rest of the world still struggles and will continue so for a few generations.

I say, label or no label we are who we are/what we are.

So what do we do? Basically, let people be who they are. Don’t change a thing. Simple, no?

All of us must stop for a while and breathe. Think for ourselves who we are and what we want. Sadly, it might be a little late for adults already caught in the wheel but I think we should be very conscious about passing down unnecessary mindsets. Time-sheets and log-books are for factories; formulae are for laboratories. Not our hearts. Let’s not force our lambs into herds and make more lambs. Let’s not trample the beauty of relationships with our presumptions and anxieties. All it takes is a bit of maturity, a bit of trust and oodles of respect. As long as we teach them to love themselves and not hurt another living being, our children are sure to discover the earth, on their own beautiful wings, without having to struggle with labels.           

Images: 

Fujishima Takeji (1867-1943), Butterflies (1904), Wikimedia Commons

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