Anjaan - (only for) the fearless

Anjaan in Tamil means fearless. This totally applies to me.

Well, when I first saw the poster of this film, I told myself "Don't even bother." Something that looks like a Kohli-village setting, with Kohli fisherfolk, a boat, Samantha inappropriately dressed (so unlike her) and Surya (my darling once upon a time) also looking like a fish out of water (pardon the pun). Yet, I went and watched the film. The doing of my desperation and greed. It had been so long since I watched a film on big screen. And this was also a chance to check out the new multiplex, Luxe at the Phoenix Mall.

Right. Greed it was. And I went. Actually Anjaan also means the 'unknown' in Hindi. I made a mental picture of Run and Sandai Kozhi and assured myself it might not that bad after all. Alas! I didn't know!

**Spoliers ahead.** (Ha, ha! The word 'spoliers' makes me laugh. How can you spoil something that's already spoiled?) Anyway, the story is this. A dreaded gangster, avenges his friend's and his own death. That's it. That's all it to it.

There's a very poignant and symbolic scene where a taxi driver shows his car full of smiley stickers and says the stickers are there just to hide all the bullet marks on the car. If the movie were the car the bullet marks would be the cliches it has been fired with. Sadly, there are no smiley stickers to cover-up the cliches in this case.

Here are just a few:
1. The location of the story. Mumbai. Where else? Come on, its a gangster movie. There are no gangsters anywhere else in the world. Those that have a housing problem, sometimes shift to Pudupet in Chennai. The wealthier ones (that is, those that afford Ray-Bans) go to Malaysia.

2. The name of the main Gagster..er...sorry Gangster. Suresh, Ramesh, chey no. All of them have only two names. Either Raju Bhai or Salim Bhai. Our hero's name is Raju Bhai. Oh, but the directors of Anjaan couldn't decide until the end if they should call him Raju Bhai or Raju Bai. The LOL moment is when Raju's girlfriend tattooes his name on her arm as 'Raju Bai'. Why would any girl tattoo her boyfriend's name with the suffix Bhai on her arm? Either she wants to change her status from girlfriend to Rakhi sister or it must have been a typo on part of the tattoo artist, who was instructed to write 'Raju Bye-Bye'. Oh whatever!

3. Just like good cholesterol and bad cholesterol, there are good gangsters and bad gangsters. The bad ones walk about in suits or better still Tuxedos, maroon bow tie and all that. And yes, they have always been in the business of importing gold biscuits and/or sparkling diamonds neatly tied up in maroon velvet pouches. (I would love to watch a movie where they deal with Gluco Biscuits and Cadbury's Gems for a change.)

4. As always, there is a very loyal man. Yes, he is Muslim and what does her wear but a kurta with a checkered scarf around his shoulders? Not to forget the grey beard. And his introduction scene. How else can a Muslim character be introduced in our movies? Long shot of a Mosque. Zoom to the interiors of the Mosque. Seen from behind, a man sincerely praying. Slowly move to his left and close-up on this devout expression and freeze. (I'm sure there was this greyish mark on his forehead. I just didn't notice.)

5. The revenge plot itself is so cliched. You actually know what's going to happen next.

This is a real conversation between two young viewers, one aged 7 and the other aged 6.
(Some 30 minutes after the film begins, around the same time that the interest in popcorn and Pepsi begins to wane) Girl 1: When will the songs come?
Girl 2: Only when girls come. See there are only boys so far.
(With this statement, the Girl 2 had summed up the entire Indian film industry in a nut shell.)

During the second half of the film, there is a Burkha-clad girl hovering around the hero.
Girl 2: Hey that is Samantha! I know, I saw her red nail polish!
(This is supposed to be a suspense point in the story. Yawn!)

The story-telling is THAT predictable. I have never really 'liked' Rajini's Baasha but compared to this, it atleast had some conviction.

It is so obvious that the producers have every idea of selling this movie all over the country. It has more than a dozen actors from Hindi films. Manoj Bajpai. The first scene he is shown, I wondered why he looks so sickly and pale. By the end of the film, the regret of being a part of this hotch-potch is quite evident on his face. The scene he dies must have been his favorite scene. Apart from him there are a dozen talented Hindi actors in this film. Why they agreed to do such dim witted roles, is a mystery? And, there is even Bramhanandam, perhaps in the worst role of his career. And none of them have even bothered to lip-sync in Tamil. Each of them is merrily speaking a language he is most comfortable in. But the dubbing is in Tamil. Not only the plethora of actors from other languages, there are Teugu songs and Hindi songs playing at every point, each of which is pointless and superfluous. It is so obvious that the director is trying to a nation-wide 'reach'.

Music. What music? The only song that kind of stays with you is that oddly titled Bang-Bang song, which is again a rehash of Billa but still.... The rest of the score, terrible. I believe Surya has sung one song himself. I don't know, because by then I was checking my FB account. The only question I want to ask Yuvan S R is, "WHY? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU?"

The female-lead / heroine. The lesser said the better. That is what seems to be the catch phrase. 'Less is more' (at least where their costumes are concerned).

You might ask if there is any at all that is good at all about the movie. Yes, Surya. Great looks and talent wasted. Apart from looking super suave, he leaves a gentle reminder of the actor he was and the respect I had for him. And then Vidyut Jamwal. He looks fantastic. You feel sad for him. He plays a side-kick to the T. Poor guy is even made shake a leg for Lungi dance. Man, he is so uncomfortable in that scene and for some reason he is constantly looking at the camera. Even Television actors know that they shouldn't do that!

When I watched the film I decided not to write about it. Not worth my time and effort. But even two weeks since I've watched it, if the film is troubling me, the reason is ANGER. It angers me that directors so grossly dumb down the audience. I am no film expert, but I can definitely make out the difference when I see a director/writer/producer taking an effort and failing and when there is absolutely no effort, thinking that nobody will mind. I can never stand a writer who belittles the audience. I'm sorry but I take it very personally. It angers me that an actor like Surya can do something like this. Yes, who doesn't need money? Haven't Kamal Hassan and Amitabh Bachchan  had their share of Masala films too (can anyone ever forget Maharaasan and Shahenshah?) but their good work over rides all of that. Thing is, these actors, including Surya are sincere in anything they do, if only they choose the better of the bad films they are offered.

At least I hope better discretion prevails and I avoid watching such films in the future.

PS: And the theater Luxe? I would say in Tamil, "Lux(e) aa? Lifebuoy alavukku kooda illa." (Loosely translated: What about Lux(e)? Its not even as good as Lifebuoy!)
Oh, BTW, the Girl 2 happens to be my Junior!