Déjà vu - Part 3

Translated By Priya Arun

 from the Original Tamil Novella, Meendum Oru Kaadhal Kadhai by Cable Sankar

pic courtesy: Alan Cleaver/https://www.flickr.com/photos/alancleaver/

PART 3

I walked over to my bike and started it, this time using the electric starter though. I parked the bike, headed straight to the elevator and reached the seventh floor. I told the lady at the reception desk, “I’d like to meet Shraddha Reddy please.”

The receptionist looked at me and punched a few numbers on the intercom. I was restless and impatient. I flipped out my phone and called Meera.

“Hey, wassup?” she asked, sounding a little irritated.

“Can you please step out with Shraddha for a while?”

“Hey! Now what? Listen. Don’t mess up things further, okay?”

“Don’t worry. There won’t be any trouble. I just need to tell her something and I will leave once I’m done. I swear.”

As we were talking, the lady at the reception informed me that Shraddha’s extension was busy and asked me to wait. I nodded at her and continued talking to Meera.

“Just give me a minute,” said Meera and hung up.

I took a deep breath and waited. There was still a slight stinging sensation on the finger that I’d just then burnt. My eyes were glued to the door. I mentally rehearsed what I would say. I told myself, “Just like that! No hesitation. Just look into her eyes and say it. Just like that!” My thoughts were cut short by the duo.

Shraddha’s face looked deadpan. Meera suggested that we go to the cafeteria. I followed them. Stuck to one corner each in the elevator, only glances were exchanged but not a word was spoken till we got to the basement. As soon as we reached the cafeteria Shraddha walked up straight to the machine and got us a coffee each.  She placed it on the table and plonked herself on a chair next to me. Awkward silence ensued.

Just when I decided to break the ice, she broke in, “I’m sorry. I guess it’s my mistake. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way, especially in our first meeting. No one’s ever raised their voice at me before. I’ve always had my way in everything. I was quite shaken when you yelled at me. I later realised that throwing the sandwich at you was worse than what you did. Hey…I’m sorry. I’m not just saying it because you are here. I would have apologized anyway. I would’ve gone crazy if I didn’t…Phew! I feel a lot better now.”

I kept looking at Shraddha’s face the entire time she was talking. Such a sweet thing she was! I kicked myself for having behaved so badly with her.

“Seriously, I came here to apologize too. There’s no point in pondering over the same thing. Why don’t we talk of something else?” I paused for a few seconds and continued. “Umm…Well, I want to say something. But you must promise me that you will not get annoyed.” Shraddha and Meera glanced at each other. Meera looked away, rolling her eyes, half-expecting fresh trouble.

“You know what, I think you are really pretty... and the way your earrings dance when you speak, I find that super cute,” I said. Shraddha looked surprised. She quickly looked away, almost blushing. “C’mon!” she said.

Meera looked relieved.

Shraddha got up to leave. “Thank God! It’s sorted out. I was in fact upset about the way things turned out. Anyway, I’m glad now. Listen, we really must get going.”

I extended my hand to Shraddha. “Friends?” I asked. She looked at me sharply and shook my hand. Her long hand-shake sent across a wonderful feeling of warmth to me. She said a quick ‘Bye’ and left. I just didn’t have the heart to let go of her hand. I’ve had my share of girl friends too. I’ve even had some cozy moments too. But then, this was a feeling that I never had before. I could hear the loud thumping of my heart. Just as Meera started following Shraddha, I tugged at her hand. “Meera...I think I’m in love with her,” I said, looking at Shraddha who was walking away. Meera kept looking at me.

---

Déjà vu - Part 2

pic courtesy: Alan Cleaver/https://www.flickr.com/photos/alancleaver/

Déjà vu

Translated By Priya Arun

 from the Original Tamil Novella, Meendum Oru Kaadhal Kadhai by Cable Sankar

PART 2

I enjoyed the look on Shraddha’s face for a few moments before bursting into a hearty Ha Ha Ha. They saw my laughter and joined in, nervously. “Come on, what’s a man to do?” I said, mildly.  

That was it.

She threw the half-eaten sandwich on my face and erupted like a volcano, “Idiot! Can’t you take a joke? Is this the way you scream at people? Don’t you know how to behave with women? I wonder who hired you for a Marketing job! Bloody looser!” With a quick “sorry” muttered at Meera, she left in a huff.

I watched her storm out. Man, such spite! This was the first time a woman had spoken to me so harshly, the first time my own “yelling” tactic had backfired so badly. Whenever I knew someone was pulling my leg, I loved to flare up dramatically like this without warning, only to burst into laughter at the shocked expressions a moment later. This was one quirk of mine that even Meera hadn’t seen. No wonder she seemed annoyed as well. Before leaving, she merely said, “Sorry. Couldn’t say anything in your favour… Bye.” Out of nowhere, this strange new feeling of guilt started creeping into me.

I didn’t know what to do with this new feeling. I stomped out of the office, kick-started and revved up my bike with all my might. I stopped at a nearby shop and bought myself a fag. My mind was racing with thoughts with every puff. Shraddha’s outrage and the things she said kept ringing in my ears, as if on a loop. Who was she after all? How could she be so nasty to me? She poked fun at me and I gave it back in the same coin. Fair and square. What the heck does she care what I do with my life? Bloody hell! Lady, you just wait and watch if I screw up or not! I dragged a long, angry puff at my cigarette and burnt my finger. I threw the cigarette down in reflex and winced.

Shraddha’s anger, Meera’s indifference, now this stupid cigarette burn...all of this together made me really furious. I hopped on my bike, kicked it into life with just one stroke and zipped away.

As my mind and the bike wandered aimlessly, I found myself stuck in the horrible Anna Salai traffic. This enraged me further, making me pick up a totally uncalled for squabble with someone at the signal. As soon as the signal turned green, I flew past the traffic only to stop at the Marina. As I got there, I watched the slowly gathering evening crowds. I sat down near the Gandhi statue. My eyes were clouded by hazy visions of Shraddha, Meera, the cigarette, my burnt fingers...Soon, the haze gave way to a clearer vision, the only images that were repeatedly playing were Shraddha’s face and the cigarette burn. As I sat there grappling with my thoughts, I felt a cool, soft touch against my cheek. Nudged out of my reverie, I turned around to find a cute baby smiling innocently at me. Just a few paces behind this baby was, an older child - the baby’s mother, who came running towards us shouting out half-smilingly, “Deepu, hey, come on here,” and to me, in a softer tone, “I am sorry!”. She scooped the baby in her arms and walked away. As I sat there suddenly feeling a little lighthearted, the baby kept turning back to smile at me.

I walked over to my bike and started it, this time using the electric starter though. I parked the bike, headed straight to the elevator and reached the seventh floor. I told the lady at the reception desk, “I’d like to meet Shraddha Reddy please.”

---

Déjà vu - Part 1

Déjà vu

Translated By Priya Arun

 from the Original Tamil Novella, Meendum Oru Kaadhal Kadhai by Cable Sankar

Part 1

pic courtesy: Alan Cleaver/https://www.flickr.com/photos/alancleaver/

“Hullo….Shankar?” That voice, that unmistakable American accent. Could it be her? Really? After all these years?

“Yes?”

“Hi! This is Shraddha.” A brief pause. Oh god, it WAS her! Only she could say that name with such élan.

***

“Sharada Reddy?”

“Bullshit! Not Sharada you ass, it’s SHRADDHA. Repeat after me? Slowly...Shra-ddha. Three kisses if you get it right.

“Okay let me try. Sha-ra-da Reddy. Six kisses, two for every syllable I get right. Deal?”

***

We had met for the first time at my friend Meera’s workplace. I happened to visit her on some work. When Meera and I were at the cafeteria sipping coffee, somewhere out of the blue, her strong, obviously expensive perfume wafted across, invading each of my five senses. I sat there, gaping at her as she walked past us like a diva on the red carpet. Meera shook me to my senses. “Stop ogling. Will you? She’s a new trainee here, Shraddha Reddy.”

“You know…she comes from a very poor family. Her dad owns just two pharmaceutical firms in the USA. They are on a constant look out for the next meal…” added Meera, her voice brimming with sarcasm.

I nodded slowly, “Yeah, the assets do tell a lot about her financial status.” The only response I got from Meera was a resounding thwack on my head.

Meera rolled her eyes at me. “Can’t you think of anything else at all? You’re just.... pathetic.”

“Come on now. I’m only being normal. I don’t fake it like the others do. If a man tells you that he only looks at your face, please, don’t ever trust him. Take my word for it.” Feeling smug at my little speech, I began goading Meera for an introduction to Shraddha. While I was still pestering my friend, Shraddha sauntered towards us, balancing with amazing ease, a bottle of lemonade and two sandwiches. I must say, she looked smoldering hot.

As soon as she got to our table, she stretched out the bottle of lemonade towards me, as if we knew each other for ages. “Care for some?” she asked. Meera and she shared a sandwich each. That is when I got to look her at close quarters. The wilderness of curls tamed with a lot of effort, yet a few rebel curls playing truant, huge, dark eyes with a glint of mischief about them, luscious lips with a just hint of matching gloss, an errant upper tooth sticking out playfully on the right corner of her lovely mouth, the giant gold loops in her ears. She was a little tall and had a typically prominent Andhra-nose.

She went about gracefully nibbling into her sandwich; she had an air of sophistication about her that Meera didn’t.

Every inch of her body language seemed to scream out to me, “Hey I am way above your league...not even the same zip code.”

Shraddha who suddenly noticed me gazing at her, quickly said, “Hi! I’m sorry. I’m Shraddha.  I’ve joined Meera’s team as a trainee here...just been a week now. I don’t think we’ve met.” And so she jabbered on and on and on. The way her gold loops kept step with every nod of her head was delightful to watch.

“This is my buddy Shankar,” said Meera. “A qualified mechanical engineer, whiling away his time doing odd Marketing jobs. Ask him and he will tell you, his ultimate destination is the world of films. Anyway. Shankar, meet Shraddha. Shraddha, meet Shankar,” she did the much awaited introductions with a sly wink aimed at me.

As we shook hands, I felt some kind of a connect between the two of us. Lost in thought, I only could mutter a feeble Hi!, the word stuck in my throat as it were. Meera looked at me in amazement. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Hi!” I said. Ah! That sounded a little better. “Hi! Sharada” I said again.

She wriggled her palm out of my grip and said rather crossly, “Not Sharada. It's Shraddha...come on say it?” Faking a sulk, she said “Nobody ever gets it right,” and looked me sharply.

“Gosh! Just look at him, Meera! Doesn’t he look like a blushing bride, right out of a cheesy Tamil film?” As if on cue, Meera acted out a coy look. They both had now ganged up against me—two against one. They were still at it. Pointing to my face, “Hey look! He looks cross,” saying this, her eyes still fixed at me, Shraddha suddenly ruffled my hair.

“Don’t you touch my hair!” I yelled out, rather angrily. With their mirthful peals of laughter abruptly cut short, they stared at me looking shocked.

---

Piku - A Fun and an Emotional Journey

"First Look Poster" by Source. Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:First_Look_Poster.jpg#/media/File:First_Look_Poster.jpg

Piku. I've been wanting to watch this film ever since it was announced and ever since I saw the first rushes on TV.

Then, suddenly I didn't want to watch it. The subject suddenly became too close to my life. Last week, I lost someone I've known for 20 years. Someone I've loved and respected dearly. Even from the rushes, I could guess the character played by Amitabh Bachchan was a lot like that person. Yet, I went.

Precisely 30 seconds into the movie, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. With respect to my family and the stranger sitting next to me, I tried to collect myself. Again, in five minutes I was at it again. What I saw on the big screen was not just a resemblance but every movement of Amitabh Bachchan was 'Uncle' himself, my BFF's Baba-the language, the accent, the attitude, the thick glasses, health issues, every quirk, even the father-daughter relationship-every one bit was him. I wanted to leave the cinema hall. I then decided to brave it. Maybe I wanted catch another last glimpse of Uncle.

I guess this post is more about my experience while watching the film than a 'review'. So I am not going into a synopsis.

The story which is well known by now has been written by Juhi Chaturvedi. Hats off to her, I must say. How beautifully she has captured every fine nuance of all the characters-be it the house-help, the ever-available doctor, the charming aunt, the complaining aunt, the calm uncle, even the hapless taxi drivers that Piku manages to drive up the wall.
 
Each of the three principal characters, Piku (Deepika Padukone), Bhashkor Banerjee (Amitabh Bachchan) and Rana Chaudhary (Irrfan), is so real and not the demi-gods that we constantly get fed with. Juhi Chaturvedi treads uncharted waters to to make Piku's character every inch relatable. She is outspoken, is an independent architect, despite being extremely caring towards her father, she does lose her cool often. It is bound to happen in real life, doesn't it? An uncomplaining Florence Nightingale would have distanced herself from the audience completely. What's more, she doesn't flinch when she talks about her relationships, which she terms as "need based". I felt like standing up and clapping for the bravado.

Rana. Your heart goes out for this man who is a blend of practicality and sensitivity. He comes with his own set of problems that he's still dealing with. And at the end of the film, though not stated, I will not be surprised if he is shown  still dealing with his painful mother-sister combo. You know, some people's problems don't ever get sorted. They just work their life around their problems. Rana just drives coolly into Piku's life and we'd like to assume that he stays there for good. Nice to have someone like him around you to keep you grounded. Yes, that's the effect this 'non-Bengali Chaudhary' has on you. He is probably the first ever man on the big-screen to have told a woman that she should drive because "driving is liberating". Another applause-deserving moment, that.  

Bhashkor Banerjee is most of the time testing your patience but if you can manage  to sit and have a conversation with him, he can hand over some amazing nuggets of wisdom. Loved his views on marriage. especially his view that marriage is a 'low-IQ' business! Sometime during the 1500 km journey, does he secretly wish that Rana and Piku pair up? His twinkling eyes throw us a hint.

That's the beauty of the direction and the screenplay. Nothing is explicit, except of course the gastro/digestion issues. This is the kind of film that respects the intellect of the audience. These filmmakers seem to tell themselves, "The audience don't need to be explained everything.  Let them figure out some stuff on their own, the way they want to."

Coming to the cast: Deepika Padukone. She's completely out there! She just slips into Piku's character with total ease. I am so proud of her as an actor. She has gone ahead and captured her place quietly in the league of one of the most talented actors of today. The best part is that she makes no fuss about being part of art house cinema. She just does her job and how! Be it a brainless Chennai Express or a Piku, she gives her all. How wonderful it must be for filmmakers to work with someone like her. Her very smart yet, normal wardrobe in Piku deserves special mention.

Irrfan. Well, I've always been biased towards him. What can I say more than that he is just too good. His eyes convey so much. There's a particular scene where Piku casually mentions that her father won't let her get married. All that he does is in reaction is, turn towards her and raise his left eyebrow. How much he conveys through that one tiny gesture!

Amitabh Bachchan is an actor who cannot even be praised without sounding irreverent. There hasn't been an actor like him in Indian cinema - ever. Despite his 'star status' he is so willing to play any role. This speaks so much for his self-assurance. The lesser said of him, the better it is. Phew!

I do wish they make such films in Tamil. But greater than that, is a wish to see Rajinikant do such roles. I can bet my last rupee on the fact that he will do a great job.

Apart from music, the other technical aspect that I loved was the photography (Kamaljit Negi). I particularly loved the dining-table scenes. I can't remember any Indian film that has captured food so beautifully ever (I haven't watched Lunch Box and I hang my head in shame). Being a fan of Bengali food, the close-up shots of Bengali Yellow Pulao, Begun Bhaja were enough to floor me, so did the shot of the Jalebis. And then the streets Kolkata. No effort has been taken to glorify them. Yet, giving you a feeling of familiarity, breaking free of cliches (I've never been to Kolkata).

The film is backed by some wonderful songs, thankfully all as just background scores. Excellent score, lyrics and singing by Anupam Roy.

Like how a well prepared dish leaves you with a great after-taste, even two days after the watching the film, I remember everything vividly.The intense dining table conversations (whatever be the topic), the discussions (or battle?) over the menu, Piku's touching the picture of Ramakrishna Paramahans just before leaving home...and so much more to gather the essence of the culture easily. So many warm-funny moments. The director makes you laugh without slapstick. Makes you feel without melodrama. Somehow the style of film-making reminds me of certain Italian and French films. Films that make you feel like a visitor in a home full of fun, yet quirky people, who make you feel warm and welcome. These are people who can laugh at life and laugh with life itself.

For those who can digest (pun intended) the recurring topic of the film, please do go ahead and watch it.

What's with these 'Open Letters'?

A lot of things have happened in this country in the past one week.
Many of them unfair in from the point of view of the public. While a handful of people are happy, most of us are not.

However, I think if I have a problem, it should be with the system  and not with the people involved.

The questions is, do I dare?

A majority of us might have a gut feeling about a person being right or wrong. But the system decides to let that person go.
So, who does the fault lie with? The system or the persons involved?

I am quite disturbed at the lashing personal attacks on people who have recently been tried and let off.
That's the way the system works. Too bad.

I firmly believe that we should simply refrain from making personal attacks on people, however wrong we think they are. Because it is mean, hurtful and...there's no point.

I definitely don't mean to promote stoicism or fatalism. I only wish people refrain from making totally irrelevant personal attacks.

If you really want to make a change, I would suggest, introspect. Boycott the celebrity. Boycott the industry. Boycott elections. Dare the system. File a PIL if you will. There are provisions.

I am very sure the same system has provided ways to vent your frustration, legally and not through irrational messages/open letters/internet posts.

Think about it.

I feel. Therefore I am.

I am an emotional person. I am a sentimental person. Remove these qualities from me and I cease to be ME anymore.

I don't care for people who judge me based on these qualities. I don't care for people who click their tongues in sympathy, muttering to themselves "oh, she lives only in the past." "oh, she hasn't moved on" and such.

Everybody has a core personality. Why would anyone want to change that? I will never want to change anyone. So why would anyone ask me to change? This is how I am, feelings, sentiments and all. Take it or leave it. And please I don't want sympathy. I just need some solid understanding. Please remember, I might be sentimental but I am not a sad person. I might be self-absorbed but I am not a loner. No one likes to be sad. No one likes to be lonely.

If I am left to be myself, those who've labelled me 'Queen of Melancholy' will realise just how funny I can actually get. All I want is to be left to my own devices...to live life my way. If you try hard enough, you might perhaps be able to change me even. But you will be left with factory produced 100% nylon fibre. I don't have to tell you the qualities of nylon.

Thank You.

Carpe Diem. Really.

Courtesy: Wikimedia Commons

Carpe diem (Sieze the day) is a concept that dates back to 23 BC and YOLO - You only live once. A concept that is fast catching up today.
People take up piano lessons. People go scuba diving or do bungee jumping. There are people who start travelling across the world. There are people who walk out of 'seemingly' perfect marriages.

Basically, people start living their dreams. They go and out do everything that they've been wanting to do all their lives because YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.

Well, it has been a much debated philosophy. While some people accept it and appreciate people who follow it, there are some that don't. Salsa and Spanish lessons or a one-off trip to Tibet often gets a tap on the back. But travelling all alone leaving behind a family, walking out of marriages back into singledom is frowned upon and even openly criticised. Such people are tagged as 'selfish'. Two recent articles that I read, come to my mind:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/04/divorce-in-your-40s-_n_6058130.html?ir=India
This article is about a woman who left home because marriage made no sense to her anymore. She wanted breathing space. She went ahead and did all the things she always wanted to do. She claims she is at peace with herself now.

http://www.afar.com/magazine/the-wanderer-the-story-of-an-american-who-left-home-and-never-came-back
This article is about a man who just wants to wander. He wanted to leave America but his wife didn't want to. So he left his wife and daughter and went away...to wander.

We have also heard of people giving up their cushy executive jobs to take up organic farming.

Back home many of us have heard atleast one story of a distant uncle who just left upped and left one fine morning to take up sanyas.

The society is quick to label these people selfish, irresponsible, foolish or just escapists. They say they have left their families to suffer, particularly the children. My question is weren't we all born individuals? Didn't marriage, kids and  top-jobs happen much later?

This is still a question I am thinking of and so I am not judging anyone or taking sides. (More than writing with an idea, I more often write to get ideas. :))

Right from childhood, a person is always told what to do. Right from when to eat, when to study, when to play, what to wear, right up to when to marry and when to have kids. Not just that, our decisions about most of these things are also influenced directly or indirectly by the people around us. We are raised with this fear of "take up the first and the best that comes your way." "Don't give up the present for an unknown future." So, all the time, people just jump into things - be it academics, marriage or career choices. Many of them somehow slip into their roles and settle in. But then there are a few who are never able to settle down in the paths chosen by them. So, what then?

While at this self-questioning juncture, they have nowhere to go because all they get as advice (solicited or unsolicited) is a shrug of the shoulders and an accusatory "You chose this path. You'd better stick to it." Or a philosophical "Its all destiny. Just go with the flow." That is where a person feels completely alone, with a numb-buzz around him.

While there is constant doubt about their own judgements, people also fear being judged. What will people say? Is it the right thing to do? I ask, who defines what is right and what is wrong? Each person has his own truth. What makes one happy might not make the other happy. For some, having two children might give the ultimate happiness even if it doesn't leave them any time to pursue their own interests. For some, owning a home might give the maximum joy, though they are trapped in the loan cycle for life. And for someone else, its not their definition of happiness.

Yes, it is a well-paying top executive job but what if a person is not happy doing it? What if his/her calling lies elsewhere? Yes, there are 15 years of marriage and 2 children behind them, abandoning isn't the intention but what if the person wants to travel, to explore the world and in the process do some self discovery? If living in a 'trapped' existence makes a person restless, what's the point in living as a family? Are you being fair to the family that way? Being there and yet not there is unfair in my opinion. I don't mean to stereotype but a man isn't an earning machine. Similarly a woman isn't a sacrificing angel. Beneath each person's adapted role, there is an individual still there, perhaps suppressed beyond the point of recognition, leaving both the body and the soul dull and grey.

I have heard and seen people throwing short-time suggestions like, "You don't have to leave home to learn Jiu Jitsu. You just need to balance out your day." A woman who leaves her kids for a couple of hours every evening to go for classes is labelled irresponsible. A man who does the same is labelled selfish. What is a person to do? You are paid more than a  lakh of rupees each month but you don't even have the time to stand and admire the sunrise. So, we have already stressed men and women stressing themselves further with packing every minute of the day with some activity or the other. This leads to a conflict between the subtle body and the physical body.

We are all human. Many of us make certain decisions due to some or the other kind of pressure (directly or indirectly). After taking the decision, what if we realise we actually need something else? I definitely don't think that is immaturity or frivolousness Does one have to essentially be in  a bad-job scenario or an abusive relationship to want to break free? What about wanting growth at a spiritual/emotional level?

There are possibly two things I can think of at this point. Put the decision off till a 'safe' time, perhaps when the children are settled or till you have saved up a decent amount of money for them? I don't know. Sometimes putting off decisions, gives you time to come to grips to what your true calling is. Make a plan maybe, for 5 years, 10 years?

More than anything I wish for at least our next generation to grow up with a free mind. I wish them to have enough time and mental space to think for themselves and understand themselves better. Nobody should be pressurised, even emotionally threatened, to do anything. Many European countries have a practice wherein children, after high school, are allowed time to travel, to work and then decide what their true calling is. I wish for a time when 14-year olds are not forced to 'plan' and prepare for what  they should be doing when they are 30. I wish for a generation that is raised to have a calm conviction about their own dreams and desires, to have the self-confidence to stand up to their own decisions. I definitely don't hint at anything violent or hurtful or abusive. In fact, respecting every person for an individual that he/she is, I am sure, will clear a lot of confusion in our society. Thereby, bringing a lot of the much-needed peace and calmness to this world.

Edit/Footnote: As for me I would definitely like to stand up to my own dreams sometime in my life without worrying about responsibilities. And without having to answer anybody but MY conscience.